im a goner!
i've nv felt so horrible after an exam. this time its the worst case scenerio. i actually cried and brk down very badly after the paper. its my MR paper today. and i'm pretty certain i flunked it, unless god decides to show some mercy and flunk everyone else as well, so that the moderator would moderate til i actually pass, which is so unlikely and almost impossible.
doing my first question, i was still feeling pretty alrite, and though i know i didnt write much, but i believe i do have some points there to earn me some marks. thinking i would do better attempting my next question, my nightmare came. exactly one hr thru the paper, i had a total mental block. imagine, u cant rmbr a single thing at all, mixing all the facts up, and u're feeling so frustrated that u wanna just throw the pen aside, slam the table and walk right out of the exam hall. thats exactly how i felt~! it was terrible. i tried to calm myself down and focus. but nothing comes into mind. i was so on the verge of giving up. but i know i dont wanna fail without trying. therefore i pick up my pen and just scribble nonsense. i know i went out of point. i know i didnt structure my answer at all, i just write watvea that i could think of. i was trying to squeeze my brain to its max just to earn tt pathetic 1 or 2 marks, that i hope the marker would be lenient enough to give.
its definately not the best i can do. and im totally disappointed with myself. i felt like taking a knife and pierce thru myself just to wake myself up. im in a total state of trance right now. i need to get back on track. i need to focus. i need to work even harder. i have to do well for my other 3 papers to balance out my marks and make up for today's paper and also for the paper i failed last sem. im still worried bout my supp paper last wk. i better pass tt. i cant afford to fail anymore.
im drifting further and further away from my dreams..
as for now, i need some rest and slp to refresh my mind. reformating of my brain needs to be done. and i need a new system and processor badly.